Joe's Fickle Finger

Joe Arnold had a score to settle with thethe gesture failed to impress. He had used the
company's safety department. A year ago, thatright hand since learning as a youth just how
department's engineers had made an objectmuch panache he could pack into a simple gesture
lesson of him and today the do-gooders wouldand how clearly he could articulate his thoughts
get their comeuppance. Too long had theywithout wasting valuable time on vocabulary
imposed unnecessary burdens on the punch pressdevelopment. It was sorely missed. Another black
operators, chief among them, Joe Arnold. For toomark against the villainous safety department!
long they had enforced rules with the hot ardorWith the passage of time, Joe's left hand
of zealots and for too long they had used Joe asdisplayed skill nearly but not quite equal to that
an example of the price of nonconformance.formerly possessed by his right. Though he took
When not enforcing rules, the engineers busiedpride in his developing left-handed dexterity, he
themselves with the invention of new ones. Thereremained irked by the bitterest aspect of the
were rules for everything now. Because of theincident, the loss of an ability to deliver opinions on
safety department, Joe was burdened with aany subject with brevity and shock. When roused
hard hat, safety glasses, earplugs and even heavyto a fevered pitch of excitement his right hand,
gloves that impeded his ability to insert his handsout of long habit, flew upward to form a reply. All
into the secret workings of his punch press.that appeared, however, was a bruised stump, a
Until the safety engineers interfered, Joe haddismal reminder of elapsed glory.
been the sole master of a maneuver that shavedThe time came when a young and inexperienced
minutes from an otherwise slow and awkwardworker named Howard gained employment. The
shutdown procedure for the company's severalsupervisors judged Joe Arnold the most suitable
punch presses. The same engineers, he wascandidate for training Howard in the operation of a
convinced, jealous of his mastery of a techniquepunch press and for indoctrinating the youth on
that defied their understanding, had manipulatedthe subject of safety. After all, they reasoned,
matters that led to his downfall.Joe endured a grievous amputation by neglecting
Until the downfall, it had been his practice to applythe very rules put in place to keep him whole.
the time saved by his secret procedure to anSurely, they said to one another, he gained
extension of his mid-morning and afternoon workwisdom from that experience.
breaks. Those who operated similar presses andJoe had given special study to the amendment to
lacking Joe's manual dexterity and innatethe press that resulted in his tragedy and had
understanding of the punch press, were obligatedcome to believe he could again bask in the glory
to remain at their workstations minutes longer.of undermining the overzealous, namby-pamby
During those extra moments of leisure, Joe lolledsafety department. An added inducement was
beneath the sun's warming rays reviving worn butthe light of respect that appeared in young
comfortable fantasies involving the secretarialHoward's eyes when Joe revealed his plan. The
staff and to the inhalation of various chemicalseager youth pledged secrecy; Joe perfected the
packaged economically in slender white tubes.technique.
One day while he was taking his leisure, theThe safety department's scheduled Day of
safety engineers made a slight alteration to hisAtonement arrived exactly one year to the day
press. It was a simple matter of replacing anof Joe's dismemberment. When the whistle
outdated and no longer legal mercury switch withsignaling the approach of the work break
a newer solid-state variety. The engineers,sounded, Joe grinned at Howard in a manner that
unaware that Joe relied upon the slower actingsaid, "Watch this". He withdrew the protective
mercury switch to effect an early release fromglove from his left hand and passed it to Howard
work, unwittingly obviated one of the severalwith elegant disdain reminiscent of a knight
secret maneuvers he employed. Later, in thehanding off armor to a page. He raised his arm
hospital, Joe complained that neglect on the partand then opened and closed his left hand several
of the safety department in informing him of thetimes in a demonstration of suppleness. Howard's
change was the sole reason for the suddenyouthful eyes widened in moist veneration. Joe
activation of the press at the very moment therendered the lad a condescending smile and
third finger of his right hand fell into its path,suddenly with the deftness of a magician thrust
making him suddenly and irreversibly lighter by thehis hand into the workings of the machine. His
weight of that finger.fingers danced between the whirling gears and
The loss of that particular digit added considerablycogs with the same confidence as did the right
to Joe's grief for it was that finger that playedhand in days of old. He was back on top. With a
such a significant role in his daily communicationgrin, he said to his admiring audience of one, "I
with the world. When asked his opinion on anywish the do-gooders were here, they gotta see
subject, it had been Joe's custom to raise his rightthis!"
hand and with hoisted middle finger, flash hisBefore the grin could fade from his features, a
judgment to all but the vision-impaired.blaring sounded and the punch press descended
It was different with the left hand. His timing wasmuch as it did once before. When a second
off. He could not muster the same degree ofelectrical impulse returned the press to its former
passion, could not calibrate the thrust withposition, Joe withdrew his arm and with a quizzical
emphasis suitable to the occasion, could notstare, gazed upon his left hand, now a twin to his
suspend the solitary digit for the precise numberright.
of seconds needed to invoke wonder. Simply put,